I've been rather morose tonight. I read this craigslist ad that was a lady giving away baby clothes because her only baby died at two months of age. It was so bittersweet. I bawled so much. Then I watched My Sister's Keeper and I think I bawled throughout the whole movie. Then I listened to Colbie Callait. I really hate her new song, "I Never Told You" it just remind me of John. I don't get it. Why do I still love him? He doesn't love me... he just uses me and treats me like crap. He's selfish. He even puts himself before the kids. That's unacceptable. I deserve much, much better... so why, why, WHY do I still love him? It still hurts so bad to know that he didn't care about me enough to want to change... or even attempt to change. My heart is still broken. I kinda want to find someone else to date, just to get my mind off of things... but I know that's not healthy. I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I just want someone to treat me right, for the first time in my life.
On a more positive note, I applied for a job heading up the child passenger safety program of a hospital in Chicago. I've had 3 interviews. I'm 1 out of 3 people being considered. Those are pretty good odds right? This is seriously my dream job. I would sacrifice so much to make this work if I got it. I would be the best CPST ever. Also, I think it would be amazing for me to get out of Texas. Sure, I would miss my family and maybe some people here... although, I don't really have many friends... more like acquaintances. I would also miss rugby. I think Lach is a fantastic coach... but it's worth it. Besides, they have THREE women's rugby teams in Chicago. Isn't that fantastic? Oh, I really, really hope I get it.