Sunday, December 23, 2007


So, I haven't written in a while... not really much to write about. It seems like John is going to be in Missouri longer than expected. Grr, nothing new there. Fuckers. I don't think he'll ever be home. But, at the current moment I am in Missouri as well. That was a long ass drive. I'll be here until after xmas... and then, maybe, I'll write more. Meh.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Almost there

John finally comes home for good in 5½ days. Wow, that's so amazing. I've been through so much without him... and he finally gets to come home after being gone 6½ months. I've put up with him being gone for 6½ months! I am sooooooo strong. I'm so damn excited.

Friday, December 7, 2007


I swear to god I'm going to have a fucking breakdown one day soon. I don't know how much longer that I can handle this. I don't think I'm strong enough... I have this gorgeous little girl and she's already been without her dad for the first two weeks of her life. I know she woln't remember, but I remember damnit! She's already gotten so much bigger and already developed so much and John still woln't be back for another 11 days. I know, it's not long... but I keep thinking about what would happen if John gets deployed. What am I going to do then? I love him so fucking much and I can't fucking take this. I don't want to be a single parent. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this again. I fucking hate the military, I wish that he'd never joined and I wish that John didn't feel like it was the only thing he could do to provide for us. I know we could have found some other way to make this work damnit. I can't fucking take this for another five and a half years if he has to leave again.

I greatly admire anyone and everyone that has to go through deployments.