Wednesday, September 26, 2007


It seems everything in my life is just falling apart. I don't even really have any decent friends around here anymore... sure I have my aquaintances and I have my sister in law... But they aren't the people I can just TALK to. It's rather frustrating. I think my closest friend around here is Chucky... and he's always so busy. But he works 40+ hours a week AND goes to school. I know how hard it can be doing so much. I don't even have Ashley anymore... we've been slowly drifting apart and now it seems she only calls me when she wants something (like a peace corps reccomendation). It makes me sad.

To make things worse, John never calls me. I'm always the one calling him... which I know that he's having a hard time in school... but I need some sort of connection. I'm going crazy, especially with the horrible news we just got. He's getting held back in his classes for two weeks. It's fucking horrible. I'd hoped this wouldn't happen, since he'd be graduating a week before the baby was due. Now he woln't even be here in time for the kiddo to be born. I'm so fucking upset, I need him here so bad and I don't think I can do this all without him... but I'm trying to stay positive for John. I don't want to let him know how much I absloutely hate the fucking Air Force and how I wished that he wouldn't have joined. I know it'll get better eventually... but WHEN?!?!?!?!? I've been waiting so fucking long and this shit seems like it will never be over. I just want him back and to be here for some part of my pregnancy. I want him to be able to feel the kiddo move all the time and to be able to read to the kiddo and to just have someone here with me. FUCK I hate the military. I also don't want to fucking move to Nevada. What the hell? Anywhere but the fucking desert would be okay. But at this point, I don't give a fuck. I just want to be with John.

Everything sucks.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


I miss John so much. :(

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Here I come!!!

Headed out to Mississippi right now!!! Woo Hoo!!! I just hope I don't get all caught up in this tropical storm. If so, it's worth it anyway... I'd drive through anything just to see John for a split second. I can't wait! In less than 11 hours I will be eating lunch with John! I know, not too glamorous sounding... but it doesn't matter what we do, as long as I can be with him.

Okay!!! I'm leaving!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Well, I guess I can't leave you in suspense forever...

So, I suppose since I can't sleep I should elaborate on who I am and everything. Well, not a life story, just everything leading up to who I am currently.

First off, my name is Crystal and I am 22 years old, married, and pregnant. I know... I sound so grown up already... But, if you would have know me a year ago, this was the furthest thing from my mind. Well, everything but the married part. John (my wonderful husband) and I had been discussing it, but for sometime in the distant future.

I met John off in earlyish 2005 and I liked him immediately. But I was still in and out of an abusive relationship and I didn't want to get involved with someone else to make things even more complicated... That and John, no matter how awesome he was, was still a total bum. He had no car, no job, drank too much, and still lived at home. But, eventually we ended up somewhat dating and things got worse for me emotionally... So I ended up moving to Utah with a friend to get away from everything for a while and John and I had a huge falling out. I do a good job at hurting people.

Well, I was in Utah for 5 months and it was great. I absolutely loved it there, and if I ever have a chance I would move back in a heartbeat. But, I eventually moved back to Texas and started getting back in contact with people again. John heard I was back and eventually got in contact with me again... and we became friends once again. He was doing better for himself, so that was a major plus. I was doing about the same... still somewhat involved in the same abusive relationship. I started hanging out with John more and more and I realized how much I still liked him. He eventually convinced me to get away from the abusive asshole for good and come live with him and some friends of his. Well, that was the best summer ever. I realized what a kind, caring, compassionate person he was... and we fell in love. We even started talking about getting married sometime in the distant future, when we were both a little more financially secure.

We eventually ended up getting our own place together in November of 2006. It was a struggle... and it seemed that John could never really hold down a job... but, it was mostly due to flaky employers. Sometimes it seemed as if I was the one doing all the work while John just sat at home... In March, we found out that I was pregnant. It was scary, not knowing what to do and not having heath care or not having any money. We discussed all the options and I decided that adoption would be best. We didn't have the money or means to support a child. Well, John and I sort of discussed him joining the military... but I didn't think anything would ever come of it. But, he decided that he wanted to do better for himself, me, and the kiddo. So he decided to join the Air Force.

I think that was the worst time for me, I was uber stressed out about him trying to get in and not being able to have a job in the meantime... So I was working as much as possible, pregnant, and stressed out not knowing whether or not he was going to get in and when he might leave. He ended up getting in and we decided to get married sooner rather than later because the benefits were awesome and I could have health care! So, we got married on April 24th, 2007. It was the best Tuesday of my life. :) All of March he was trying to quick ship... So I would worry all week, every week if that was going to be the last weekend I saw my husband for a while. He would have to go spend the night in San Antonio every Tuesday to see if he could get a job on Wednesday. Every Tuesday I went to bed by myself wondering if the night before was the last time that I would be able to cuddle with my husband for months.

Well, he ended up leaving on June 5th, but we knew it was coming a couple days before hand because he had been offered an amazing job. That was the worst Tuesday of my life... after doing all that waiting and having him come back every time... and to now finally be seeing him leave and not knowing when I would be able to talk to him again, let alone hold him again. Ugh, it sucks.

I got my first call a couple days later, and it was hard. It was just a statement that they needed to say to you... and then they had to go. It went something along the lines of "I'm fine. I may not be able to call you for a while, don't try to contact me unless it's an emergency. My address is ____". He was all choked up on the phone and he got to tell me that he loved me and that he missed me. It was horrible, I cried for days. Much to my surprise, I got a call a week or so later. It was short, but it was amazing to just be able to talk to him. I was able to tell him the gender of the baby and how much I missed him. I got a call from him almost every week, and about two letters a week. It was awesome... but it was still so hard being without him.

He graduated BMT July 20th. Thankfully, I was able to come see him and spend the weekend with him. Damn did he look good in those dress blues! Unfortunately the weekend was nowhere near enough time... but he got shipped off to Mississippi anyway. He's still in Mississippi at the moment and will be until mid-November. But, thankfully he should be back before the kiddo is due (Nov. 22nd).

I've been up to Mississippi once since he's been up there... and it was amazing. I'm hopefully going back this coming weekend. If so, this will be the 6th and 7th day I will have spent with my husband since June. I can't wait!

So, this is my life at the current moment... I'm a military spouse and I couldn't be happier. I am so proud of John and we are both so strong for dealing with all of this. I just can't wait until November!

Welcome to my life!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Time for a fresh start

Well, a new blog site... yipee!

I suppose this means that I should write about myself and who I am... nah.

Maybe later.