Friday, December 7, 2007


I swear to god I'm going to have a fucking breakdown one day soon. I don't know how much longer that I can handle this. I don't think I'm strong enough... I have this gorgeous little girl and she's already been without her dad for the first two weeks of her life. I know she woln't remember, but I remember damnit! She's already gotten so much bigger and already developed so much and John still woln't be back for another 11 days. I know, it's not long... but I keep thinking about what would happen if John gets deployed. What am I going to do then? I love him so fucking much and I can't fucking take this. I don't want to be a single parent. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this again. I fucking hate the military, I wish that he'd never joined and I wish that John didn't feel like it was the only thing he could do to provide for us. I know we could have found some other way to make this work damnit. I can't fucking take this for another five and a half years if he has to leave again.

I greatly admire anyone and everyone that has to go through deployments.

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