Wednesday, September 26, 2007


It seems everything in my life is just falling apart. I don't even really have any decent friends around here anymore... sure I have my aquaintances and I have my sister in law... But they aren't the people I can just TALK to. It's rather frustrating. I think my closest friend around here is Chucky... and he's always so busy. But he works 40+ hours a week AND goes to school. I know how hard it can be doing so much. I don't even have Ashley anymore... we've been slowly drifting apart and now it seems she only calls me when she wants something (like a peace corps reccomendation). It makes me sad.

To make things worse, John never calls me. I'm always the one calling him... which I know that he's having a hard time in school... but I need some sort of connection. I'm going crazy, especially with the horrible news we just got. He's getting held back in his classes for two weeks. It's fucking horrible. I'd hoped this wouldn't happen, since he'd be graduating a week before the baby was due. Now he woln't even be here in time for the kiddo to be born. I'm so fucking upset, I need him here so bad and I don't think I can do this all without him... but I'm trying to stay positive for John. I don't want to let him know how much I absloutely hate the fucking Air Force and how I wished that he wouldn't have joined. I know it'll get better eventually... but WHEN?!?!?!?!? I've been waiting so fucking long and this shit seems like it will never be over. I just want him back and to be here for some part of my pregnancy. I want him to be able to feel the kiddo move all the time and to be able to read to the kiddo and to just have someone here with me. FUCK I hate the military. I also don't want to fucking move to Nevada. What the hell? Anywhere but the fucking desert would be okay. But at this point, I don't give a fuck. I just want to be with John.

Everything sucks.

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